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I have been dating my boyfriend for four years; we met in college. He finished before me and started working some distance away. The first year of him working was incredible. He would make sure to come see me almost every weekend.
At the end of that year he started coming in late and telling me he had other things to do. I waited for hours for it to show up. It really hurt my feelings and made me feel stupid. Then last year he cheated on me. I was devastated, but I still wanted to make things right with him.
Later, I would find messages on his phone: he was flirting with other people. I became very insecure and jealous. Then, three months later, I went to his house. Things were looking up between us and I spent two weeks with him. One day he said that he needed to visit his parents, so he dropped me off at his house. When he came back, I took his phone and found out that while he was visiting his parents, he also went to see this other girl. He had texted her how she makes him happy.
Of course, during the two weeks I spent at his house he never took me anywhere or took a day off for me. After that I felt that something inside me was dead. She tried to apologize and reassure me, but she no longer had confidence. He was bitter, angry and sad. We ended up breaking up for two months, and then he came back.
We started dating, but I don’t feel like I used to anymore. Most of the time I feel alone. Then I met this guy on a bus and we hit it off really well. I feel alive, but at the same time I don’t want to cheat on my boyfriend or hurt the new guy too. What should I do? I’m confused about all these feelings.
– Hurt
I was interviewing someone for the podcast the other day and he was reminiscing about the many breakups in his life. He brought up Kenny Rogers’ old hit “The Gambler,” in which Kenny sings “you’ve got to ‘know when to hold ’em, know when to take ’em back.” This podcast guy admitted he’s really bad at pulling back. finish, he is the last to throw his cards, he can’t let go first, so he waits for the other person to do so.
Sounds like you might have that problem too. This university relationship has been falling apart for a long time. Your boyfriend betrayed your trust several times, and after a two-month break to clear yourself up, you realized that you don’t want to be with him anymore. However, you’re still trying to get it to work.
Think about why you haven’t allowed yourself to walk away. Maybe it’s because the relationship has been so formative, and because you love him, but not all great romantic connections are meant to last forever. These experiences can remain wonderful, like chapters in your life, if you know when to let go of them.
Boy in love with the bus isn’t the answer here, but consider it a good catalyst. get single. Fold those cards. Then go on a date with a new person. If your boyfriend tries to put up with it, tell him that there is no room for negotiation here, but that you wish him well.
–Meredith
Readers? Time to fold?
