Am I just walking around with bad luck when it comes to love? I am 20 years old (early to mid). I’ve been single for almost five years and I hate it. When it comes to asking someone out, my anxiety takes over. Sometimes I’m brave enough to let it go, but almost always it doesn’t work.
I remember once asking a guy for his number, and he even texted me to make sure I had the right number. But after he left and I texted him once, he never texted me back. Another time I met a guy on a dating app and we talked for a few weeks. He was very sexual with the messages from him, but I didn’t care. I had set my own limits with him. One day I decided to sex him. They weren’t even photos or videos (he was doing all of that), they were just words. Guess what happened after two days. Yes, he outshone me. Some men just ask for sexual favors or if I would be the “side piece” for him.
Slowly, after each event, I start to lose confidence in myself, like maybe I’m worthless or just wanted to satisfy someone’s sexual needs. I’m starting to lose faith in love. I want to get married one day. I want to have children, but it seems that it will never happen to me. I’m so tired of hearing from my grandmother, “When are you going to have a boyfriend?” “Why are you single?” I can’t even answer the question myself, Grandma. Am I really bad at love or is this normal?
– Bad luck
Dating someone is hard. A lot of people ghost, move on quickly, or want different things. The good news is that many of them are clear about their intentions. If someone asks you to be their side piece, they’re not lying about what they want. They are being transparent and you can say no. If someone is willing to sext for weeks instead of meeting, they’re also showing their cards. You can go without hesitation.
My advice is to remember that you you can get out of a back and forth as soon as you get frustrated about it. Seems like you’re staying, texting until it falls apart, but it’s okay for you to go. You don’t even have to ghost; you can say, “I think we’re interested in different things here, but I wish you the best!”
You may have better luck with the app that only gives you a few options a day. Coffee Meets Bagel, for example, offers fewer matches, but says personas are specifically for the user. In apps like that, people can spend more time considering what they want. They could be more serious about starting a relationship. Maybe.
You ask if you are bad in love. All I can say is that we are all learning how to find the best type of relationships. You are in good company; This is a universal experience, for the most part, especially at your age. If you found all the right people in your early 20s, had no insecurities, and knew exactly what to say at all times… you could be a bot.
Tell Grandma it’s a process, and if she knows of any young suitors, you’ll be happy to meet them.
–Meredith
Readers? Words of encouragement or clarity?
