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Hi Meredith,
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for more than four years. I started going to the gym by myself because my boyfriend worked a lot. For a year, I had a huge crush on a guy at the gym, and I thought he had a crush on me. But we have never spoken or greeted each other. I kept guessing his name, but never had the guts to approach him. I would always blush when he was around and he had a sheepish smile. Then I had to leave that gym for six months because of my job.
I recently joined again, but this time with my boyfriend. I thought I would never see my gym crush again, but suddenly he was there, and he saw me and my boyfriend working out together. My gym crush looked sad and I don’t know why it bothers me. I love my boyfriend and he is perfect. I should focus on that, right? I don’t want to lose him, but when I left the gym, I kept thinking about my gym crush.
If my crush had a crush on me, he would try to find me on social media, right? I don’t like feeling this guilt. When I see the person I like, I feel like I am losing feelings towards my boyfriend. Is it normal to ever have these feelings? Or is this completely wrong? Please help. Thanks.
– fixing the issue
It’s okay to be in love with people. It happens, even if you are in an exclusive relationship with a partner.
It’s easy enough to fall in love with fictional people, and to some extent, that’s what you like in the gym. You don’t know if he’s nice, mean, outgoing, or shy. You don’t even know his name. You like his appearance and his facial expressions, but everything else about him is your design. It’s perfect because you can do whatever you want to it. It’s not a real connection until you get to know him.
Also, I assume that their facial expressions correspond to yours. If you saw it after a long time and you seemed surprised or upset, I was reacting to that. Perhaps what you saw him display was… confusion.
My question to you is this: does your crush on this man suggest that you might want to be single? Would you like to be in a place where you flirt and connecting on social media I could be fine? If you want to be alone, seeing what else is out there, it’s not about falling in love with the gym. It’s just a catalyst.
But maybe that’s not what’s going on here because, again, crushes are normal. Maybe this crush is bothering you because you don’t know how to categorize it. File it under “cute boy” and move on.
–Meredith
Readers? How can this LW separate fact from fiction here? What does it mean?
