Real Life Romance: Paul Newman

When I was a kid, my mother forbade me to read romance (it didn’t work) on the grounds that it was unrealistic as far as men and relationships. A child of the sixties and seventies, entrenched in woman’s lib and such, she thought romances would warp my mind and heart, thinking all men were like the heroes, all first time sex was multi-orgasmic, and all relationships faded out on the initial declarations of love and commitment to happiest-ever-after, blazing, sunset colors.

Most kids aren’t stupid. We mostly know the difference between reality and fantasy. But love and romance is a little like madness wrapped in brightly-colored ribbons. Infatuation, lust, passion demands the suspension of belief. Then, sometimes after the packages are all opened and wrapping paper is scattered across the floor, we all live through times when reality collides with our dreams. We survive it. We make do with what we have and move on forward. We are happy, or we try to be happy the best we can.

We know men aren’t romance heroes. But, it makes us smile when we see that, rarely, one can be, and somebody’s dream stayed true.

This can only be evaluated after he dies, I think. We have to examine a life lived to see that he was truly romance hero caliber and if the happy-ever-after held up to the vissitudes of time. Paul Newman was a romance hero and his marriage kept the happy-ever-after sheen up to his death. He is one of the most gorgeous men of his generation. Absolutely lovely, damn near perfect.  But, romance heroes shouldn’t be too perfect. They have to be real enough to understand on one’s own level.

Paul Newman wasn’t perfect. This romance would definitely not be a category romance. Rules were broken, and hearts too. He had a first marriage, with three children. He met the love of his life, Joanne Woodward while he was still married, a huge conflict if there ever was one. They became friends, but tried to stay distant because of his marriage. He started drinking more. They finally became lovers. He started seeing a shrink, eaten up with conflict, but he was also carrying on with Joanne more openly. His first wife was pregnant when he finally got the gumption to ask her for a divorce. Joanne was pregnant also.

We understand love is messy. What if the romance hero meets the true love of his life when he is married to another woman and has a family?  It never happens in category romance world, but in the real world, it probablyhappens more often they we’re comfortable imagining.  Shades of gray are more interesting than black and white to me, but some romance readers would call it a wall banger.  Abandoning your kids for another woman when your wife is pregnant is a nasty affair, however you write it.

‘Guilty as hell’ was how he described himself about his first marriage, adding: ‘And I’ll carry it with me for the rest of my life.  ~ Daily Mail

Paul Newman’s and Joanne Woodward’s marriage was founded on infidelity and betrayal, but he didn’t cheat again. He had met his true love, and he stayed faithful to her and in love with her over decades. When asked why he never cheated, he said, “Why go out for hamburger when you have steak at home?”

Paul Newman was a decent guy, and a nice one, but he never degenerated into wimpiness despite his huge generosity to charity, his abiding love for his wife, attention to his family, and affinity for salad dressings. He raced cars. He was a manly man, and boy, did those looks hold up.

Joanne Woodward has fabulous romance heroine qualities, so people can’t really hate her for her fantastic fortune. She is attractive, but not so outrageously beautiful, that you want to make her cry to see if she gets ugly. She is down-to-earth and seems intelligent, not silly or flighty.  Most of all, Paul loved her madly.

It’s a lovely romance, even though there was no need to paint his first wife, as a villain as we so often do in romance, attempting to make things black and white.

What would you do? Would you lose yourself with the true love of your life even if you knew he had a wife and kids? Is love worth it, or should he have stayed in the bed he made earlier, miserable or not?

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