monica jackson

 

July 2008
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In My Dreams (novel)

Driving home from the Communal Living Home, Bless pondered her vision, frustrated by the longing that accompanied it then the content, needing to be satisfied with her lot. This recent spate of lusts and baby longings were wearing her down.
She’d go home and pray about it and hope that would calm her. She had too much to do to spend time fretting and discontent about things she couldn’t change. It unsettled her and reminded her too much of Ginger.
She approached the big old farmhouse where her family lived as far back as she could remember. Their roots were in Red Creek and Bless loved the place. The country air, the people who knew all her business as well as she knew theirs, the rich red clay, Red Creek was a part of her. She couldn’t imagine living anywhere else.
They were constantly updating the old frame house to make it livable. Cheery yellow siding with white trim had been a recent addition. Touching the remote to the garage, she pulled in and unlocked the door to the kitchen. Bless sighed to see the dirty dishes in the sink and food still on the stove. Aunt Praise would cook, but she didn’t like to clean up and too frequently left the mess.
The television was on and Bless walked into the living room. Aunt Miriam was sitting on the couch staring blankly at a golfing tournament. Bless picked up the remote and changed to a cartoon station. She sat beside her and patted her on the thigh. Miriam nodded at the television, probably in appreciation. “Do you know where Praise is, Aunt Miriam?” Of course she didn’t answer. Miriam was developmentally challenged the same as Maris. It ran in the family.
She touched Miriam’s hand and lightning flashed. She couldn�t credit it happening again, but there was the baby, the dark stranger, and more quickly this time, Ginger. Bless was shaking when the vision faded away and she felt the fabric of the cough under her thighs. What happened next was stranger yet. Miriam turned to her and said, as clear as a hot blue July day, “Go to Ginger now. Go to your sister.”
Bless stared at Miriam. She’d never heard her speak two distinct sentences in her life. She started to stutter, the she got the words out, “Why, Miriam? Why to you want me to go to Ginger in Atlanta?”
Miriam turned back to stare at the cartoon on the television, rocking and laughing. Bless wanted to shake her and scream, but she knew it would be to no avail. She stood, her knees wobbly, and went to find Aunt Praise. She needed advice.
Aunt Praise was closeted in her office with a customer. Bless’ lips thinned. She didn’t approve. Praise made charms, did minor spells and psychic readings for the townsfolk. Bless didn’t approve of such use of the power, much less engage in it.
She tried not to be too judgmental, but Praise’s activities brought such unsavory types into their home. Not to mention unsavory vibrations. Also sometimes it boomeranged back on them and Bless had to engage in complicated rescue operations her aunt wasn’t aware of. She tried to speak to her about it, but apparently Praise didn’t discern energies the way she could.
Aunt Praise was stubborn and liked to be independent and this was the only way she knew to make a living. So Bless had to pick up after her in more ways then one. She was continually cleaning their home of unclean psychic energies. It got tiresome.
Bless went to her room and picked up the phone to call Ginger. A thrill of fear went through her and she found it hard to breathe. She tried to punch in the numbers, but her eyes blurred. That was it. She was going to her sister’s apartment in Atlanta tomorrow. Something was going on, something that Ginger needed her help with.
But after a twelve-hour shift, visiting her sister, and the stresses of this day, she couldn’t manage the drive tonight. She’d leave in the morning. Bless dropped her scrubs on the floor. She was exhausted. Bless crawled into bed in her underwear and was fast asleep in a few minutes.

Lightening. A storm raged across a scorched world. Hordes of demons scurried across the earth eager to seek out and destroy hated humanity.
The machines of war failed. The world’s armies were fallen. All the weapons of mass destruction, chemical, biological, and nuclear failed. Science was completely defeated.
But on the horizon, a light grew. The ones of power gathered to defend the world against the evil that threatened to consume it.
Among them, Glory prepared to fight in the final battle.
She heard a woman’s voice, urgent. “Any one of them can turn the tide. Darkness seeks to destroy the ones of power now, while they still can.”

By habit Bless woke long before anybody else in the house did. She was profoundly troubled as she showered, dressed and took her suitcase down from her closet and filled it with the basics. She didn’t plan on socializing or partying with Ginger. She hoped she wouldn’t be staying long. She packed for ten days.
Sending white light through the house to cleanse it, Bless headed down to the kitchen to start breakfast.
Bacon, eggs and pancakes were on the stove, coffee was in the pot and Miriam sat at the table picking at her food when Aunt Praise entered the kitchen around eight-thirty. “Good morning, Bless, sorry I missed you last night, but I had work.” Praise busied herself filling a plate. “Looks delicious. Thank you, honey.”
“I need to talk to you,” Bless said.
“What’s on your mind?” Praise settled down at the table and dug into the plate.
Bless regarded Praise with affection tinged with exasperation. She was getting older, sixty-six years old, although she didn’t look a day over fifty. She was the woman who raised her, the closest thing she had to a mother.
“I had waking visions with no warning for the first time in years. Both with the same message, ‘Go to Ginger now.’” Praise’s chewing slowed, and a frown started to develop on her face.
Bless’ gaze turned to Miriam who was looking out the window at a bird. “Last night Miriam spoke to me. What she said was to go to Ginger, go to my sister. Two complete sentences.”
Praise didn’t look surprised, just took a sip of coffee. “Have you called Ginger?” she asked?”
“I can’t. I tried twice.”
“Stop trying then. Don’t go either.”
Bless frowned. “Why not? She could be in trouble–”
“More reason not to go. There’s history in our family.”
“I don’t care about the past. The key word is family. She’s my sister and she may need my help. I’m calling her now.” Bless stood and crossed the room to the phone. She picked it up and a heavy, oppressive dread filled her. She started to press the numbers and that dread turned into panic. She hung the phone up on the receiver as fast as if it had turned into a poisonous snake in her hand.
Praise watched her. “See what I mean? Leave it alone. We sisters have history, I told you. Sometimes around the age that you’re at, it can be dangerous if we’re in proximity.”
“Dangerous? That’s ridiculous. Ginger and I have squabbled at times, but we’re sisters, and that’s normal. We’ve always basically got along.”
Praise shook her head. “Please don’t go.”
“There’s nothing you can say. I’ve packed my bags. I’m leaving for Atlanta within the hour.”
Praise sniffed and wiped her eyes. “At least let me make you a charm for protection.”
“Aunt Praise, you know I don’t like those things. There’s another thing, I also had one of those apocalyptic dreams.”
Praise shrugged. “One good thing about those dreams is that the scale is generally too big for you to worry about doing a thing about anything but enjoying the show.”
“I suppose you could say that was the case,” Bless murmured. “I better get going.” She glanced at Miriam as she left the room and was surprised that Miriam met her eyes with her lips curved in a smile.

On the highway, Bless tried to call Ginger again in the car on her cell phone, but that feeling of dread and oppression happened. A spell?
Bless hated spells, especially when they happened to her and generally, spells couldn’t happen to her. A spell has to have a gate, a weakness. A person had to have knowledge that a spell was being cast on them, belief in the spell and fear of the spell. Bless had none of these things. It was very strange. Ginger might need her protection after all.
Bless pulled on the highway before she punched in the numbers to call the hospital to tell them that she’d be gone for a while. If they didn’t like it, tough. She had family business to take care of. She put her foot on the gas and rolled over the asphalt toward the big, bad city of Atlanta.
She and her sister had an interesting relationship, one of those sibling relationships where there was both love and active dislike.
She couldn’t imagine anybody more opposite then herself then Ginger. Ginger was one of those little girls who’d steal from the collection basket in church, smile in the preacher’s face and buy everybody candy afterwards.
In high school, Ginger was the head of the meanest and most stylish clique of girls in school. She wasn’t around after that because she swore that after she graduated all Red Creek would see of her would be the dust her hind end kicked up as she got the hell out of there, and she wasn’t lying. Ginger didn’t even stick around to collect her diploma.
But they stayed in touch. Bless’ was fixed in Red Creek, the town as much a part of her as her skin. Ginger was like the wind, was always searching and going hither and thither. Despite their differences, Bless understood Ginger’s emptiness the way no one else could. Bless wished she could soothe her, but there was no way to heal discontent.
She didn’t want trouble to come to her sister, but she sensed terrible trouble indeed. The inside of the car was warm, but Bless shivered as if a cold wind has passed. A bad omen.

Chapter 3

A hundred and so miles away in Atlanta, Rick Jensen was worried. Swank was out of jail. Rick’s brother disappeared with enough of Swank’s money that Swank’s first priority would be getting his hands on his brother’s girlfriend, Ginger, to find out where Malik had taken off.

The only thing that stopped Swank so far was the amount of surveillance that Rick put on Ginger. But the department far more interested in bringing Malik to justice then protecting Ginger. The fact that Malik had made off with hundreds of thousands of dollars that would have gone into the city coffers upon Swank’s arrest did not set with the department well. With every passing day, Malik’s trail grew colder and the pressure on Rick increased to relocate the resources he was using on Ginger elsewhere.

His time was running out and he about had it with Ginger. He’d wanted to relocate her to a protection program before Swank got out of jail, but she flatly refused. So he got to spend way too much of his free time with her. It was a trial, because Ginger got on his last nerve.

Also, he didn’t want his family too involved with his brother’s girlfriend. His brother told the family nothing about her, and probably with good reason, because when he met her, he instantly knew his mother and sister wouldn’t take to her. Why did his brother choose a woman so different from the women who raised and loved him? Rick didn’t understand it.

But he owed it to his brother to keep her safe and he’d do the best he could. His gut feeling told him that Ginger knew something about where Malik was hiding. He bet his brother was laid back on some white sand beach with some disgusting drink with an umbrella stuck in it while Rick was taking care of his business for him.

It was the same when they were kids. Malik would jump into deep doo-doo and Rick would pull him out. Dad kept him in line with his iron fist, but once Dad was gone, Malik veered way off the straight and narrow.

Rick saw the way he was sliding, and tried to warn him about trying to live within one’s means and working for one’s wants. Malik never did pay him any mind. High maintenance women such as Ginger and flashy cars were the name of the game to Malik, along with constant business schemes and money making deals on the side. It was only a matter of time until the right opportunity came, Malik would joke, and then he’d settle in the Caribbean and write the great African American novel.

If you don’t get yourself in big trouble first, Rick would quip back. He always thought that Malik was basically all talk and no action. And then this crap happens. He was going to especially wring Malik’s scrawny neck for saddling him with Ginger.

Bless was anxious to find out what, if anything, was going on with Ginger, so she was relieved to see Ginger’s classic red MG in front of her apartment. She slid out of her sensible white Toyota Tercel and rang the doorbell.

“Hang on,” she heard her sister yell.

Ginger pulled the door open. Bless gasped, but neither said a word. Ginger stared at Bless and Bless stared at Ginger’s stomach.

Finally Bless asked, “May I come in?”

“Uh, sure.”

Bless followed Ginger to the living room, marveling at Ginger’s hugely swollen abdomen, her ungainly waddle, her thickened thighs, and were those jowls under Ginger’s chin? She didn’t mean to be uncharitable, but she’d never seen Ginger in any state that was short of dazzling. She was shocked.

“Won’t you sit down?” Bless said this instead of Ginger. She couldn’t stand to see her sister on her feet, looking as if she was panting, a moment longer. Ginger seemed as if she was going to fall over.

Ginger sank into a recliner and picked up a hand fan and fanned furiously. “This being pregnant is worst then the devil.” She waved Bless toward the kitchen. “If you want something to drink, go help yourself. And bring me a Michelob.”

“Should you be drinking alcohol?”

“Why don’t you bring me my beer now and hold the lecture for later.”

Bless bit her lip. She supposed one beer wouldn’t hurt at this late stage, but still . . .

“Sorry. I don’t mean to be impatient with you, sis, but your sudden presence is surprising,” Ginger said, trying to adjust her bulk in the recliner.

“That’s all right.” Bless went into the kitchen and rummaged in Ginger’s refrigerator, shaking her head at the lack of nutritious food and got out a diet cola for herself and a beer for Ginger.

Bless handed Ginger the beer, popped the top on the cola and leaned back on the couch. “Well? Why no word about your pregnancy? You look like you’re at least eight months,” she asked.

“Almost nine.” Ginger shook her head. “You know I never wanted a child. I couldn’t find a doctor who’d do a tubal on me years ago.” She pointed at her stomach. “This happened despite being on birth control pills, usage of a condom and spermicidal cream all at once. Then after I missed my period, I was desperate enough to take an overdose of those morning after pills. Amazing, isn’t it?”

“Astounding,” Bless said in a dry voice.

“But that’s not all. I tried to get an abortion, not once but several times. Despite the procedure being legal, and me having the cash, I was thwarted at every turn,”

“What do you mean thwarted?”

“Thwarted, as in prevented. For instance, this silly fool started waving around a gun right before the thing was supposed to be sucked out.” Ginger started feeling around the sides of the recliner and pulled out a cigarette case.

“I knew it was all for show and nobody was really going to be hurt, so I told them to go ahead and finish,” she continued as she lit the cigarette.

Bless gave a pointed cough.

“But they all wanted to panic and shit,” Ginger said, ignoring Bless’ cough.

Bless stared at her sister, speechless.

“Yeah, I was too pissed because at least that time I’d made it to the clinic. When I tried to get there the first time my car blew up. Then my taxi blew up,” Ginger flicked the ashes and shook her head. “I took the goddamn bus and it went off the curb. Finally, I decided to walk. I got nearly run over, cars jumping curves to get at my ass. Sparrows kamikazed me and pigeons divebombed me with pigeon poop. Folks who didn’t know me from Adam tried to drag me off the street. I had to turn around and go back home covered with pigeon shit and skid marks on my ass.”

“That sounds thwarted all right,” Bless managed to get out.

“Tell me about it,” Ginger agreed.

“So, I take it that you’re not thrilled about the prospect of motherhood?”

Her sister cocked her head and stared at her. “Ya think?” she asked, looking disgusted.

Bless tried not to chew her fingernails. This was a bit much. She heaved a heavy sigh. “Have you considered simply letting someone else raise the child?” she asked.

Ginger leaned forward. “You know that won’t solve the problem.”

Bless made an exasperated sound. “I’m not understanding you at all. What problem?”

“I’ll die if I have this goddamn baby. That’s the problem.”

Bless reached out to touch Ginger’s stomach. The baby was healthy. Ginger was healthy, and she saw no precursors of maternal disaster. “You’re not going to die in childbirth,” she said. “You know that I know.”

Ginger picked up the beer again. “You don’t get it, do you? I’m not talking about childbirth. I’m talking about us, our family. The brood mare always dies young. Look what happened to our mother. Our grandmother.”

Bless drew in her breath, held it and let it out real slow. “That’s silly superstition, Ginger. You can’t stake your child’s life–”

“Because of the weird shit that’s gone on around us since we were infants? It’s always the same. There’s three sisters. One is fine and popular, one is weird and homely and one’s an idiot. The fine one has three girls, and then she has to pay because she’s well and truly fucked. She kicks the bucket, and the homely sister raises them. It’s the same generation after generation. It never changes. We’re not real people, we’re just rats stuck on a fucking fatalistic treadmill and I want off.”

Ginger sniffed then took a huge drag on her cigarette and blew a cloud of smoke toward Bless. “I don’t want to have a bunch of brats and die in a few years. I was having dreams that there was a chance to change it now for some reason, but everything I tried . . .failed.”

She blew out another cloud of smoke. “Maybe you’re here for a reason. I know you have power. Maybe you’re here to help me get rid of it once and for all.”

Bless was too busy coughing to answer.

Bless didn’t say much to Ginger after her tirade. At least now she knew why she had the pressing premonitions that she needed to get here ASAP. She wondered why the universe took so long. Her sister was ready to deliver the child soon and had obviously not bothered with prenatal care at all. She appeared to be living on candy bars, diet coke and beer.

Bless has taken refuge in the kitchen, saying she wanted to cook dinner and tidy up. Ginger was sitting in the living room laughing at some horrendous reality show on television. She wondered how Ginger supported herself. She was a hairdresser and she didn’t see how Ginger could manage all the standing required.

It didn’t seem as if the father was in the picture, but that was no surprise. Men went in and out of Ginger’s life through a revolving door. Ginger made no bones that the measure of a man was the heft of his wallet combined with the size of his penis multiplied by his skill in bed.

Ginger was nothing if not direct. Men had a certain purpose in her world, and if they failed to fulfill it, they could hit the door as far as she was concerned. This seemed to make her more, not less popular with men. They certainly loved a challenge and Ginger was certainly that. No man had conquered her yet.

Bless looked through the cabinets. She wouldn’t be able to cook until she bought some food. She picked up the phone to order out. She settled for a pizza with extra toppings and triple veggies. Probably more nutrients then Ginger had for weeks.

She hung up the phone feeling sick. This place was rank with darkness to the point of foulness. Ginger was hell bent on murder. You can’t have the intentions like that and not funk up the psychic atmosphere. Bless drew white light from the heavens and flooded the apartment, but it barely made a dent.

Once Ginger figured out that Bless was as determined to prevent infanticide as she was determined to commit it, there’d be a showdown. Bless flipped through the yellow pages looking for a grocery that delivered. She found one and mentally noted it. Let Ginger bring it on. Bless wasn’t budging an inch.

Waves lapped around the dark stranger and her, as they lay entangled on the sand. Twilight blue was the color of the sky and the ocean, the evening ocean breezes balmy. She knew that she’d recently been satiated. He’d filled her with loving to the brim. She was disappointed that she missed it. The ocean lapped at them lovingly and cleansed any evidence of their union away.

If this time would only last forever.

“Forever is now, and yesterday and tomorrow. For us, time is meaningless,” the dark stranger said.

Bless didn’t think she’d said it out loud.

He touched his lips to hers. They tasted of salt. Her heart filled to bursting. Maybe she didn’t have to say what she felt. She loved this man and he loved her. She didn’t know where they began or ended, but she knew that.

“See?” he whispered. “You only think you don’t know me now.”

“You look pretty good for somebody who hasn’t gotten laid since time out of mind,” Ginger murmured absentmindedly while she read the morning paper.

Bless thought that Ginger was treading on dangerous ground commenting on folk’s looks, good or bad, since she definitely wasn’t at her best herself lately, but wisely decided to keep her opinions quiet. Her feelings still stung after Ginger described her as ‘weird’ and ‘homely’ last night. It might be true, but Ginger didn’t have to throw it in her face.

Ginger lit up a cigarette and Bless flinched. If she knew Ginger there was no point in asking her to lay off the cigarettes around her. In fact, it would make it worse.

“So how are your powers doing?” Ginger asked. “Still crazy with the voices and visions after all these years?”

“Occasionally.”

“You said you could heal. Anything else?”

Bless bit her lip. She felt reluctant to talk about what she could or couldn’t do with Ginger, and anyway, she wasn’t fully sure herself. “I can heal sometimes. When the Lord wills it.”

“You are always so preachy. What about your will? What do you want? You ever want anything for yourself, Bless?”

An image of the dark stranger came to mind and she lowered her eyes.

Ginger gave a low laugh. “There’s something you want. But you’re not telling. I want to know something. Since you can heal, doesn’t it work in reverse? You could drain the life force from someone, couldn’t you?”

Bless looked straight into Ginger’s eyes. “No, I couldn’t.”

“You could if you wanted to.”

Bless shook her head. “No, I couldn’t,” she repeated, her voice soft.

“So what are you going to do to help me get rid of this?” Ginger asked, indicating her swollen belly and getting straight to the point.

Bless sighed.

“It’s not my function to help you get rid of the child.” Bless got to the point also. She was going to eventually have to, and it might as well be now.

Ginger stared at Bless and chewed her bottom lip as she digested this.

“Well, you need to get the hell out of my apartment then, because getting rid of this thing is my main ‘function’ and interest right now,” Ginger said.

“No,” Bless replied.

“What did you say?”

“I said no.”

Ginger’s face twisted in amazement. Bless would have laughed if the situation wasn’t so serious. She bet Ginger had never heard Bless say no directly to her face in her life.

“What does that mean?” Ginger finally asked.

“Do you need a dictionary?” Bless asked.

Ginger’s mouth dropped open.

At that moment somebody banged at the front door. “Let me in, I have groceries,” a man’s voice called.

Bless went and pulled opened the door and stood aside and a tall man staggered through, obscured by the large sacks of food he was carrying. He dumped everything on the kitchen table where Ginger was sitting.

“I looked in your refrigerator the other day,” he said by way of explanation. Then he turned to Bless.

It was the dark stranger.

She gasped. All the blood rushed from her face down to her feet and back up to her head again. She thought she was going to faint and swayed a little. She blinked too fast and breathed too slow. She put her hands behind her back and gave herself a secret little pinch.

No, this wasn’t a dream.