What To Do: The Safety Plan

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of making a safety plan and getting support from social services agencies that specialize in assisting battered women.

The following steps will enable you to make a plan to increase your safety and that of your children.You don't have control over your partner's violence, but you do have a choice about how to respond to him and how to best get yourself and your children to safety.

Step 1: Safety during a violent incident.

Women cannot always avoid violent incidents. In order to increase safety, battered women may use a variety of strategies.

I can use some or all of the following strategies:

A. If I decide to leave, I will ___________________. (Practice how to get out safely. What doors, windows, elevators, stairwells or fire escapes would you use?)
B. I can keep my purse and car keys ready and put them (place) _________________ in order to leave quickly. Can I make copies to hide?
C. I can tell _____________________about the violence and request they call the police if they hear suspicious noises coming from my house.
D. I can teach my children how to use the telephone to contact the police and the fire department.
E. I will use _______________________ as my code for my children or my friends so they can call for help.
F. If I have to leave my home, I will go _____________________ (Decide this even if you don't think there will be a next time). If I cannot go to the location above, then I can go to_________ __________________or ______________________________.
G. I can also teach some of these strategies to some/all my children.
H. When I expect we are going to have an argument, I will try to move to a space that is lowest risk, such as ____________ ____________________. (Try to avoid arguments in the bathroom, garage, kitchen, near weapons or in rooms without access to an outside door).
I. I will use my judgment and intuition. If the situation is very serious, I can give my partner what he/she wants to calm him/her down. I have to protect myself until I/we are out of danger.

Step 2: Safety when preparing to leave.

Battered women frequently leave the residence they share with the battering partner.

Leaving must be done with a careful plan in order to increase safety. Batterers often strike back when they believe that a battered woman is leaving the relationship.

I can use some or all the following safety strategies: A. I will leave money and an extra set of keys with _____________ so that I can leave quickly.
B. I will keep copies of important documents or keys at ______________________.
C. I will open a savings account by ______________, to increase my independence.
D. Other things I can do to increase my independence include: ________________________
E. The domestic violence program's hot line number is ________________ and I can seek shelter by calling this hot line.
F. I can keep change for phone calls on me at all times. I under stand that if I use my telephone credit card, the following month the telephone bill will tell my batterer those numbers that I called after I left. To keep my telephone communications confidential, I must either use coins or I might get a friend to permit me to use their telephone credit card for a limited time when I first leave.
G. I will check with ____________________ and _____________ to see who would be able to let me stay with them or lend me some money.
H. I can leave extra clothes with _________________________.
I. I will sit down and review my safety plan every ______________ in order to plan the safest way to leave the residence. _____________ (domestic violence advocate or friend) has agreed to help me review this plan. J. I will rehearse my escape plan and, as appropriate, practice it with my children. Step 3: Safety in my own residence. There are many things that a woman can do to increase her safety in her own residence. It may be impossible to do everything at once, but safety measures can be added step by step. Safety measures I can use include: A. I can change the locks on my doors and windows as soon as possible.
B. I can replace wooden doors with steel/metal doors.
C. I can install security systems including additional locks, window bars, poles to wedge against doors, an electronic system, etc.
D. I can purchase rope ladders to be used for escape from second floor windows.
E. I can install smoke detectors and purchase fire extinguishers for each floor in my house/apartment.
F. I can install an outside lighting system that lights up when a person is coming close to my house.
G. I will teach my children how to use the telephone to make a collect call to me and to _______________(friend/minister/ other) in the event that my partner takes the children.
H. I will tell people who take care of my children which people have permission to pick up my children and that my partner is not permitted to do so.

The people I will inform about pickup permission include: __________________________________________
(school)
________________________________________
(day care staff)
________________________________________
(baby-sitter)
________________________________________
(Sunday school teacher)
________________________________________
(teacher)
________________________________________
(others)

I can inform:
________________________________________
(neighbors)
________________________________________
(pastor)
_______________________________________
(friend)

that my partner no longer resides with me and they should call the police if he is observed near my residence.

Step 4: Safety with an Order of Protection.

One can never be sure which violent partner will obey and which will violate protection orders.

I recognize that I may need to ask the police and the court to enforce my protection order. The following are some steps that I can take to help the enforcement of my protection order: A. I will keep my protection order
_______________________________________________
(location)
Always keep it on or near your person. If you change purses, that's the first thing that should go in.
B. I will give my protection order to police departments in the communities where I usually visit family or friends, and in the community where I live.
C. I can call the local domestic violence program if I have some problem with my protection order.
D. I will inform my employer, my minister, my closest friend and _____________ and ____________that I have a protection order in effect.
E. If my partner violates the protection order, I can call the police and report a violation, contact my attorney, call my advocate, and/or advise the court of the violation.
F I. If the police do not help, I can contact my advocate or attorney and will file a complaint with the chief of the police department.
G. I can also file a private criminal compliant with the district justice in the jurisdiction where the violation occurred or with the district attorney.

I can charge my battering partner with a violation of the Order of Protection and all the crimes that he commits in violating the order. I can call the domestic violence advocate to help me with this.

Step 5: Safety on the job and in public.

My friend in St. Louis, also an RN and a mother of two young children, got shot and killed by her husband in the hospital parking lot after she got off her shift.

Each battered woman must decide if and when she will tell others that her partner has battered her and that she may be at continued risk. Friends, family and coworkers can help to protect women. Each woman should consider carefully which people to invite to help secure her safety.

6: Safety and drug or alcohol use.

Using can cost you or your children their lives.

Most people in this culture use alcohol. Many use mood-altering drugs. Much of this use is legal and some is not. The legal outcomes of using illegal drugs can be very hard on a battered woman, may hurt her relationship with her children and put her at a disadvantage in other legal actions with her battering partner. Therefore, women should carefully consider the potential cost of the use of illegal drugs. But beyond this, the use of any alcohol or other drug can reduce a woman's awareness and ability to act quickly to protect herself from her battering partner. Furthermore, the use of alcohol or other drugs by the batterer may give him/her an excuse to use violence. Therefore, in the context of drug or alcohol use, a woman needs to make specific safety plans.

If drug or alcohol use has occurred in my relationship with the battering partner, I can enhance my safety by some or all of the following:

A. If I am going to use, I can do so in a safe place and with people who understand the risk of violence and are committed to my safety.
B. I can also ___________________________________________.
C. If my partner is using, I can _____________________________.
D. I might also _________________________________________.
E. To safeguard my children, I might ________________________ and ______________________________________________.

Step 7: Safety and my emotional health.

The experience of being battered and verbally degraded by partners is usually exhausting and emotionally draining.

The process of building a new life for myself takes much courage and incredible energy. To conserve my emotional energy and resources and to avoid hard emotional times, I can do some of the following:

A. If I feel down and ready to return to a potentially abusive situation, I can _____________________________________________.
B. When I have to communicate with my partner in person or by telephone, I can ____________________________________.
C. I can try to use "I can . . . " statements with myself and to be assertive with others.
D. I can tell myself - "_____________________________________ ______________________________" whenever I feel others are trying to control or abuse me.
E. I can read ____________________________to help me feel stronger.
F. I can call ___________________, ___________________ and _________________as other resources to be of support of me.
G. Other things I can do to help me feel stronger are ____________ ______________, and _______________________________.
H. I can attend workshops and support groups at the domestic violence program or _________________________, or _____ _______________to gain support and strengthen my relationship with other people.

Step 8: Items to take when leaving.

When women leave partners, it is important to take certain items with them. Beyond this, women sometimes give an extra copy of papers and an extra set of clothing to a friend just in case they have to leave quickly.

*Money
* Identification for myself
* Children's birth certificate
* My birth certificate
* Social security cards
* School and vaccination records
* Keys - house/car/office
* Driver's license and registration
* Medication
* Work permits, Green card
* Passport(s), Divorce papers
* Medical records - for all family members
* Lease/rental agreement, house deed, mortgage payment book
* Bank books, Insurance papers
* Small salable objects
* Address book
* Pictures, jewelry
* Children's favorite toys and/or blankets
* Items of special sentimental value

Telephone numbers I need to know: 911

Police department___________________________________
Emergency hotline___________________________________
Battered women's program ____________________________
Work number______________________________________
Supervisor's home number_____________________________ Minister___________________________________________ Other_____________________________________________

I will keep this document in a safe place and out of the reach of my potential attacker.

Facing A Familiar Place
Domestic violence: What Happens
The Terrible Danger of Leaving. . . or Staying
What To Do: The Safety Plan