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Many, perhaps
most, people believe that battered women will be safe once they separate
from the batterer.
They also believe
that women are free to leave abusers at any time.
However, leaving
does not usually put an end to the violence. Evidence
of the gravity of separation violence is overwhelming.
Batterers may,
escalate their violence to coerce a battered woman into reconciliation
or to retaliate for the battered woman's perceived rejection or
abandonment of the batterer. Men, who believe they are entitled
to relationship with battered women or that they "own" their female partner, view
women's departure as an ultimate betrayal which justifies retaliation.
(Saudners & Browne, 1990; Dutton, 1988; Bernard el at, 1982)
73% of the women
injured in domestic violence cases were injured after separation
Up to 3/4 of
domestic assaults reported to law enforcement agencies were inflicted
after separation of the couples. (U.S. Dept. of Justice, 1983)
One study reveals
that 73% of the battered women seeking emergency medical services
sustained injuries after leaving the batterer. (Starks et al, 1981)
In a study of
women seeking divorce in Philadelphia in 1986, 11% of the women reported
that they were assaulted during separation even though they had
not been abused during co-habitation. 32.6% of the women said that
they were fearful during negotiations for child custody, about
22% stated that they were fearful of retaliatory violence during
negotiations for child support and 27.7% fearful during negotiations
for property. 13% of the women in the study stated that they gave
up legal rights because of their fear of retaliatory violence.
(Kurz & Coughey, 1989)
Almost 1/4 of
the women killed by their male partners in one study in Philadelphia
and Chicago were separated or divorced from the men who killed them.
28.6% of the women were attempting to end the relationship when they
were killed. (Casanave and Zahn, 1986)
In one study
of spousal homicide, over half of the male defendants were separated
from their victims. (Bernard et al, 1982).
Women are most
likely to be murdered when attempting to report abuse or to leave
an abuse relationship. (Sonkin et al, 1985; Browne)
Because leaving
may be dangerous does not mean that the battered woman should stay
with a batterer.
Living with a
batterer is highly dangerous. Violence usually increases in frequency
and severity over time. The batterer may engage in preemptive strikes,
fearing abandonment or anticipating separation even before the battered
woman reaches such a decision.
Although leaving
may pose additional hazards, at least in the short run, the research
data and experienced advocates for battered women demonstrates that
ultimately a battered woman can best achieve safety and freedom
apart from the batterer.
Leaving will
require strategic planning and legal intervention to avert separation
violence and to safeguard victims and their children. Law enforcement
advocates, and battered women must work in partnership to assure that
the separation process is safeguarded against batterer violence.
In sum, I
repeat: It is dangerous to leave a batterer without careful planning.
It is dangerous to take half measures. But leaving can be done and
it has to be done. There are resources to help you leave the violence
and start a new life somewhere else. |
What
if you stay with him? The Long Term Effects of Abuse
Battering is
the single major cause of injury to women, more significant that auto
accidents, rapes, or muggings. (O'Reilly, 1983)
In fact, the
emotional and psychological abuse inflicted by batterers may be more
costly to treat in the short-run than physical injury. (Straus, 1987)
Many of the physical
injuries sustained by women seem to cause medical difficulties as women
grow older. Arthritis, hypertension and heart disease have been identified
by battered women as directly caused by aggravated by domestic violence
early in their adult lives. (Corrao, 1985)
Battered women
lose their jobs because of absenteeism due to illness as a result
of the violence. Absences occasioned by court appearances also jeopardize
women's livelihood
.Battered women
may have to move many times to avoid violence. Moving is costly and
can interfere with continuity of employment.
Battered women
often lose family and friends as a result of the battering.
First, the batterer
isolates them from family and friends.
Battered women
then become embarrassed by the abuse inflicted upon them and withdraw
from support persons to avoid embarrassment.
Some battered
women have lost their religious communities when separating from abusers
because religious doctrine prohibits separation or divorce whatever
the severity of abuse.
Many battered
women have had to forgo financial security during divorce proceedings
to avoid further abuse.
(Kurz & Coghey,
1989)
As a result they
are impoverished as they grow older. (Marshall & Sisson, 1987)
One-third of
the children who witness the battering of their mothers demonstrate
significant behavioral and/or emotional problems, including psychosomatic
disorders, stuttering, anxiety and fears, sleep disruption, excessive
crying and school problems. (Jaffe et al, 1990; Hilberman & Munson,
1977-78)
Those boys who
witness their fathers' abuse of their mothers are more likely to inflict
severe violence as adults. (Hotaling & Sugerman, 1986)
Data suggest
that girls who witness maternal abuse may tolerate abuse as adults
more than girls who do not. (Hotaling & sugarman, 1986)
These negative
effects may be diminished if the child benefits from intervention
by the law and domestic violence programs. (Giles-Sims,1985) |
In the works, a mystery, tentatively titled, Dead Man's Hand. 